Hey guys! I know I haven’t posted in a while. I just want to let you know that I have not forgotten about any of you. Sometimes I just like to wait for inspiration to strike, or for my life to calm down a bit before posting again. I recently got a job at a grocery store chain in my area, and am working part time as a cashier (includes bagging as well). It’s my first job and I’m still getting used to it. I want to do my best at my job and so far only a few minor mess ups. They kind of expect that the first week or so.

 Anywho- I haven’t forgotten about you. I haven’t forgotten a thing about what some of you go through. I’d like to ask you guys though- what would you like me to blog about? Anything been eating at you, or anything you want to ask me? Ask away! Make a comment or ask a question in the ‘ask” option on my page. I love you all and so does Jesus!

“Love is such a wrecking ball” something I saw on the liner notes of a CD, I still own. The artist was talking about how the love of her newborn son inspired her, and scared her all at the same time. I can relate to this, not because I’ve ever been a mother (that would be impossible, since I have “known no man” as Mary would of put it), but still I know what it’s like to have love wreck your world. God, I believe will use anything to get you moving on his purpose in your life, even another person. Still though we must give that person credit for them taking the step, reaching out. A friend did that for me. A little note on a dating website started out simply enough. This person wanted to start a friendship, and they had some in common with me, so I thought “why not? This person is too far away to stalk me.” Haha! Well, maybe I didn’t have that exact thought, but close. Little did I know my “sure, why not?” would change the course of my life. 

My mom had encouraged me years ago to write about my life with Asperger’s and I always bemoaned the idea. I didn’t want to label myself EVER, or write about something I would have rather denied touched me at the present moment. I actually started a blog on another site (blogspot) and found out I never finished it. I wrote a few halfhearted things on Facebook, but I couldn’t say I was inspired. That began to change as I slowly got to know a fellow Christian Aspie. Suddenly his story and situation made me intrigued and triggered compassion within me. Little by little, walls started to crumble. One night I watched a trailer for the movie “Adam” after speaking to this person, and I actually almost cried. I was filled with a sense of urgency. “Lord, we need your help” was the mantra of my heart that night. Later in the month, at the end of March I was standing in my church’s youth building, praying and worshiping. It was one of those nights were the presence of the Holy One was thick. I opened my heart to hear whatever He had to say to me, and I felt like I heard a quiet voice say “you are called to the Asperger’s community”. I felt it register in my spirit and it hasn’t left. It hovers over me like a little hummingbird.

Love is hard for us (Aspies), because socializing to find love is hard for us. Yet there is a glimmer of hope, in this, because I believe God says “in your weakness I am stronger”, so in an area we are weak, He can make us strong. I truly believe that I can’t fully love someone until I know and accept the Love of God. I cannot fully enjoy human love without God. Love, to me, comes in many forms.  “The Four loves” by C. S. Lewis explains them as Agape (Unconditional Love), Philla (Friendship), Eros (romance), Storge (affection). You can go here for more info: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Four_Loves. I’ve known love for friends, and that affection you feel for a friend, wanting their best, and admiring them for who they are. I’ve known, for a while, romance as well. Some of these areas can bleed into each other, until one is unsure of which is which.

Writing about this makes me quite vulnerable because with any friendship things can change slowly with the seasons, or as quickly as the weather. I hope and pray I’m not writing in vain. I’m simply believing that I am where God wants me for this season. Love has wrecked my world in a great, awesome, sudden way. At least it looks sudden now. In hindsight I’ll see more how the seeds were planted.

 I hope you enjoyed the blog. If you have any questions or comments please feel free to share them. God bless! I love you, Jesus loves you, and that’s enough!

Psalm 34:8 “Taste and see that the lord is good;
blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.”

What have other people spoken about you? What have you spoken about yourself? Let me tell you that if they were not words that gave you courage, joy, strength or love that they may be lies. No one means for this all the time, sometimes they just want to help. Have you ever been excited about something or a plan you have and a friend or family member shoots it down? I know it’s happened to me before. There are no guarantees in this life, but I know God is faithful to help us navigate. He wants us to have HIS mind about us, and is more obsessed with us than we could ever be about anything. He sees us as he sees Jesus, with every good thing ready for us.

 The challenge comes in realizing how to take claim of it. Some of you reading this have no idea what I’m talking about, and some may scoff at even the idea of a God who loves you. Well, for you, I pray these blogs plant seeds in your mind that will grow. Keep reading if you’re curious. What do you have to loose? For example Philippians 4:8 says “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” What you think about yourself will grow as long as you keep thinking about them. Do you choose to think about the good things in yourself, or the bad?  Try to think of thoughts and words like seeds, you are told something and you have the choice whether to plant that seed or to throw it out. If someone tells you “you’ll never be anything”- which is something that should be rejected, and you can choose to not believe it. You combat lies by telling yourself a truth. For the above example you can and should replace it with “I can anything I set my mind to. I will be someone! I can do it!” Dr. Caroline Leaf is someone who has studied the human brain for years (hence why she has a doctorate), and she says that thought patterns create tree like pathways in our minds. Positive thoughts create pathways that look like trees in the summer with full foliage, and negative thoughts look like trees who are sickly and have had their branches stripped. Your brain will essentially begin to die without positive words going in our brains, and being spoken by our lips. Here’s what the Bible says about the power of words:

• “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits”- Proverbs 18:21. 
• “Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.”  Proverbs 29:20
• “The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”- Luke 6:45

Girls, you are lovely beyond compare with so many beautiful qualities. Your love and care will bless many. Guys you are becoming the men you want to be. We need strong men in our world, who know how to respect and honor women. Believe in yourselves. You ARE capable of love, you ARE worthy of companionship. Find people who believe in you and take the journey into thinking brilliantly about yourself.

Do you guys want a part 2? Leave me a comment to let me know! I love you all! Please send me any questions or comments you have!

“How did I do it?” I often wonder to myself. How did I go from not being able to hug someone who loves hugs? How did I learn that you had to care more about other people’s interests to get friends? Well, I have a few to thank for that. My Mom with her prayers and guidance, always made a conscious effort to teach me about what to do, and not to do. She prayed for me, and encouraged others who knew what I faced to also. My main problem was I could repeat all her advice, but I had trouble actually putting it into practice.

Another person who helped me was my boyfriend back in high school, who in a trial by fire kind of way brought my flaws out, and corrected me in some oddities. Oddities being bringing up random subjects out of nowhere, or just saying silly things, or having silly fears. He also taught me that I was not soo odd as to never be able to attract a good guy. He told me a lot he thought I would make a good mother(which was news to me since I was and am a bit uncomfortable around kids-I want to be good with them though), and his friends said I made him happier than he had been in years. Why did we break up you may wonder? Well, because our spiritual differences were far too great. More on that later.

Friends and church leaders along the way have also helped me, though I had to learn the hard way a lot of times. For instance, people don’t like it when you obsessively talk about “Lord of the Rings” (or any other thing). I remember one of the nicest girls in the youth group saying about me once “oh, she’ll talk your ear off!”. Now, for me to annoy her was a feat.

Not being content in just going to church, and having my family was a bit scary for me, ok, quite scary. I actually had to venture out, and find people with like minds or at least interests, and earn their trust. Another obstacle to me finding friends, especially in the church, was my dogmatic way of viewing Christianity. I thought I was right all of the time, and didn’t care what others thought, well, I did, I just wanted them to agree with me. I would gladly end a potential friendship because in my opinion they weren’t worthy of being my friend. My standards, in other words, were just TOO high.

God, he’s the one who really helped me in this area. He highlighted that sin in people’s lives was just the symptom of pain and in some cases, ignorance. I wasn’t to judge the girl who slept around, or someone who was addicted to drugs. Applying that was easier to do with the girl who slept around, than the person who used drugs or who just had a bad attitude. I had pity for these people but I was more concerned with maintaining what I thought was my own decency. I discovered that my pride and judgements were just as bad as theirs. It was just a different sin, and a religious spirit tried to overcome me. You can tell a religious spirit by it’s tendency to tear others and even yourself down in the guise of “holiness”. It leaves one feeling condemned rather than empowered to walk out being holy before God.

 This is something I see in the Aspie community, the tendency to be dogmatic and stiff, or just so distracted by our own interests that we don’t pay His calls of love much attention. No matter what anything has told you dear one, you are so loved by God. He is real, and wanting to be a part of everything in your life. He is the giver of all good things. You are worth more than GOLD to Him. He’s more obsessed with you than you could ever be with a person or subject, and he knows just what reaches you. He can and will help you become like Him. This life should not be about becoming more NT, or a better Aspie, it should be about being in love with God, and letting his love change us into something looking like Him. It’s the only reason why today I can hug people without hesitation have the courage to just live my life with purpose.

“And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:18.

 I pray this blog reaches someone. If you have any comments or questions, please share them.