Hey guys. I’m here to write because to be honest in all the hustle and bustle of work and life, I haven’t really been writing much of anything. Oh, I had been writing some fiction, but that looses it’s luster after a while when I haven’t written some non-fiction for a while. Namely, about life or something more important that entertainment.
Do any of you creative types feel like you’re afraid of what you’re doing not meaning anything? I know I wonder sometimes. Maybe I’m too hard on myself, but the best thing I can hear is that I am loved and made a difference in someone’s life for the better. Lately due to my job I haven’t been able to see my friends as much as I’d like. Why? Because I work almost every Sunday,and that’s when I see the majority of them. I don’t want to eliminate Sunday from my available hours because I don’t want to become less valuable in my company’s eyes.
Some would tell me “don’t worry, let God handle it.” Yeah, but I don’t want to be foolish either, or neglectful of my work. I think myself blessed to have a job in the first place, and I don’t want to injure that. I stick to company policy and do what’s asked of me (within the law), and aside of a few things out of my control my work has been good to me. I find I’m my own worst enemy or my best ally. I ask for help from God because he is all the help I need. He helps me focus, shake things off when they get hairy and recover from mistakes. I really do miss my friends though. I put in a request for time off for our Christmas party at church so I may see you then! I also have Saturday off this week, so let me know if you want to drop by for some cocoa. As I was writing this, wanting to write about neglecting gifts or them feeling like they are really enough a version of “the little drummer boy” came on my Christmas playlist. It rung through my headphones and seemed to speak to me that is pleased with the efforts made with a pure heart. Play and create the best way you know how. God will polish out the rough edges. So I just wanted to write. I feel strange without doing it, especially it’s been confirmed many times how I NEED to write, and how God is calling me to it. Who am I to tell someone I love “No” or “not now honey”. I know He loves me and has mercy but I want to please Him. Maybe I just need to shut up and let Him love me into creativity. Yes, God can create great art through people. You know all those Christian films you’ve seen that have made you cringe with hearts as big as Texas, but the lack of creativity and resources sinks the well intentioned ship 90% of the time. Balance is what we need, and a seeking heart.
God does NOT make junk, ever. I think it I was ever offered a job on a TV show I would go with “once upon a time”. Yeah, it’s secular but I’ve found so many little nuggets in that show, and it’s really entertaining. Lord, may you grace your people with excellence and heart.
Another thing in the creative realm that’s been popping up is singing. I had a dream the other day that a world renowned worship leader offered me a record contract, and she never so much as heard me sing a note. Shara Pradhan (a great, joyful, prophetic woman of God) even told me to “sing, healing will come when you sing”. I can carry a tune, but I’m not a showy singer, nor am I Celine Dion. Haha! I also don’t like to be a singer who is like “oh, i can sing you SO need me on your worship team.” That approach always seemed wrong to me, but I guess is also not developing my gift. I sometimes ask myself “God, why is it SO hard to develop creativity without getting self focused, worried or depressed over it not being “good enough”? I just want to play my best for him. That’s all. Hope your enjoyed reading this! Comment please! You and Christ are why I write.
[video]
Hey guys. I just thought I’d let you see a little fan-fiction story I’ve written for “Strictly Ballroom”
Here’s the first chapter. I own nothing, so please don’t sue me. This was made for entertainment only. Let me know what you think guys! If I get three responses (reviews or likes) I’ll post more.
Just a kiss goodnight
“Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
Just a touch of the fire burning so bright
No I don’t want to mess this thing up
I don’t want to push too far
Just a shot in the dark that you just might
Be the one I’ve been waiting for my whole life
So baby I’m alright, with just a kiss goodnight”
She could hardly believe it. They danced their own steps and despite their disqualification the crowd loved them. There she was amongst her friends, and the man she’d grown to love over the past few weeks, Scott. His brown eyes sparkled as he smiled. She knew it was for the joy of dance, not just the thrill proving everyone wrong. They now were in the small space of Scott’s home, in the midst of celebration. Colors of all types spun around her as their friends hugged and expressed their excitement. Through the din of the noise, she tried to capture Scott’s gaze. As if on cue, his eyes flitted in her direction. If it were possible his smile widened, and he strode the few steps it took to reach her. Before she could say a word, he took her hand and pulled her to him, and then quickly pulled her along through the crowd with him to the front porch. He pulled her along so quickly she could help but wonder why. Given their kiss earlier in front of everyone in the ballroom, she could only guess what he may try now.
“Scott?” she asked almost breathlessly when they reached the outside of his home. Her eyebrows furrowed with the concern rising in her.
He noticed right away as he glanced back at her.
“Yeah, Fran?” he asked as he stopped just outside the door. He then gently guided her to lean on the outside wall away from the window’s prying gaze. His voice sounded as breathless and she felt.
“Wh- what do you…what are you expecting…” Fran asked, her words getting jumbled. Scott laughed at her nervousness, stepping in closer to where their faces were mere inches apart.
“No worries Fran.” he said moving one hand to caress the side of her face, and one that pulled her body close enough for a kiss. He lowered his head, and kissed her. It was gentle but lingered in a way that made Fran’s heart race. He was still riding on the high of their win, and Fran knew they were in danger of stumbling into a different high that may have them both tearing apart what they had only just started. She returned the kiss for a few moments placed her hands gently on his face to break the kiss.
Scott looked at her puzzled.
“Did you really think I would take advantage of you on my front porch?” Scott said with a chuckle.
The admission made Fran laugh. She shook her head, shaking away the concern and haze his kiss put her brain in. The struggle between her own adore for him, and her sense of propriety.
“I don’t know.” she said honestly. “I’ve heard stranger stories.”
It hit Scott then, she was concerned about ruining what they had, that it would just be a affair and then dissolve. The thought stung his heart, and dampened the emotional high that had lingered in his system before. He had seen the catholic crosses in her home, maybe it was that which held her back, or her own fear.
“Fran, I would never do something you weren’t comfortable with.” he reassured, playing with a curl that hung by her pretty face. He admired her clarity in balance to his mind that could be so passionate and head strong. His affection for her deepened in that moment. She wanted to see this through, and he respected that.
“Can I ask what you’re afraid of?” he asked gently as she pressed her head into the hand playing with her hair.
“Messing all this up. Tonight’s been more amazing than I could of dreamed of. I don’t want to…go too far.” she said. Her eyes looked conflicted. This obviously was a struggle for her.
“Too far meaning…” Scott pressed. She nodded, getting his drift. After all they had only known one another for three weeks. She had heard stories of couples and their passion, but she realized a theme in them. They burned bright, but never lasted long.
“Well, I stand by what I said. I will never, ever push you Fran.” he said. His heart screamed inside him that he loved her. He loved her spirit, her courage, her joy, and her willingness to put him in his place when he as out of line. “I just wanted to be alone for a while. Away from the noise in there. This is a night for us, not the night. A great night. Let’s focus on that.” he said, trying to get her mind away from what bothered her.
“Alright.” she nodded, excitedly. The brightness returned to her eyes, and the furrows in her brow were gone.
“You wanna go back in, or do you want to turn in?” Scott asked.
“I’m not sure I could sleep right now.” Fran said. Scott suppressed a chuckle. She noticed and playfully nudged his arm. He laughed and put a strong arm around her, and lead her back inside. They were met with a few hoots and hollers from their friends.
“Hey, now. There are kiddies among us.” Scott joked.
“Not for long.” his overtired sister said through a yawn. Scott smiled and ran a hand over his younger sister’s head. His mother then issued a decree that his youngest sibling get changed and ready for bed. Scott felt some tension rise after his sibling was out of sight. She sometimes acted as a buffer to his mum’s moods, that were quite dramatic. Having a family of dancers, competitors and essentially artists contributed to that feeling. They all could have their moments of being overly emotional, or irrational. To his surprise he saw his mother smile. She walked by him without a word, and patted him lightly on the shoulder.
“Goodnight Scott, it’s been a long night. You two behave now, I’m going to bed.” she said with a wink. Fran chuckled and blushed through her makeup at the comment.
Their friends then started to slowly file out, and say their last congratulations, and goodbyes. Fran and Scott hugged and shook hands with them all, and by the end of it, the excitement of the night started to weigh their eyelids down with fatigue.
Fran’s head rested in her palm as she saw Scott munch on a few vegetables arranged on a tray in the kitchen. Scott then looked at her as if his name was called.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Fran, you hungry?” he asked.
“Yeah, but it’s getting late.” she said, glancing at the clock that now said a quarter past eleven at night.
“It won’t hurt you to eat late once Fran.” he assured her. She nodded, and he brought her a plate with an assortment of fruit, veggies, and cheeses. Light fare he knew would hold her over, and not hurt her dancer’s figure, but he doubted she was too concerned about that. He sat down next to her on the sofa she was sitting on, relishing her closeness. He removed his over jacket, and put an arm around her. She rested her head on him, and they were silent for a while, with only a few household noises, and the whir of a ceiling fan to be heard. Scott watched her nibble on the pieces of food he brought her, and tried to take the moment in. It was such a simple, some would say mundane moment compared to their win earlier. She placed her plate down on the coffee table, and covered her mouth with her hand as she yawned.
“Ready to go home?” Scott asked, slightly disappointed at the prospect but know she would need her rest.
“Yeah, but I don’t want to go alone.” she said placing her hand in his. Scott gestured to the door, and she gathered her things, and he grabbed the car keys to the family car. They made an effort to mind the noise they made as they exited the home and headed to the car. The night was fine, and there was a slight breeze blowing through the surrounding trees. To Fran, the night was even more enchanting and beautiful that usual, as she watched Scott saunter to the car in his confident way and excellent posture. She loved how angular he was, how masculine his form was. He never lost his masculine way of moving even when lost in the joy of dance. He exuded strength with every step, but when he gazed at her his eyes held a affection made the hair on her arms stand on end.
Scott opened the passenger side door for her and helped her put the dress she used for the beginners round, and other belongings in the seat behind her. He smiled at her as he rounded the car to slip into the driver’s side.
The engine revved and then began the drive to Fran’s humble abode.
“Thank you.” Scott said, glancing at Fran.
“Hmm, for what?” Fran asked.
“For not letting me do anything stupid.” Scott replied.
“It wasn’t easy you know.” Fran said honestly.
“I know. You alright with just a kiss goodnight?” Scott asked hopefully.
Fran smiled again.
“Of course.” she replied. At this Scott slipped his free hand over to hers briefly before bringing it back up to the steering wheel. Again, Fran got gooseflesh on her hand, and her fingers twitched at the contact. She sighed and gazed out the window at the stars. She silently thanked whatever it was that made the night possible. Some power, some force, or entity, God perhaps. The thought of God flashed pictures of the crucifixes that hung in her house. “If that’s you let me know.” she silently pleaded into the air. There was no reply, no sign to be seen, just a lingering curiosity as they continued to drive in comfortable silence.
The moon shone down as they exited the car and Scott helped her retrieve her things. She could help but watch him move. He moved so beautifully, she could bear to miss a thing.
Scott felt her gaze.
“You staring at my…”
“No!” Fran said before he could finish his question. “Of course not.”
“Mmhmm.” Scott said teasingly. He strode the distance between them and wrapped his free arm around her shoulders holding her to him as they proceeded to walk to her home. She placed her head on his shoulder as they walked. A few lights were on in her home, and one in the hallway above.
“You alright with just a kiss goodnight?” Scott asked, knowing full well what she would say. She said nothing though and took her belongings from him and set them to the side, not breaking her gaze for more than a moment. The moment they were sat on the ground she brought her face to his, but let him take it from there. Their kiss was gentle, but heartfelt. He kissed for longer than before, placing her face in his hands to cradle it. The sweetness of the moment made a strange lump of emotion collect in his throat. This was something so different, it felt more right than he’d ever experienced and he would guard that with his life. He didn’t even care that this night would end with just a kiss goodnight.
Hey guys! I know I haven’t posted in a while. I just want to let you know that I have not forgotten about any of you. Sometimes I just like to wait for inspiration to strike, or for my life to calm down a bit before posting again. I recently got a job at a grocery store chain in my area, and am working part time as a cashier (includes bagging as well). It’s my first job and I’m still getting used to it. I want to do my best at my job and so far only a few minor mess ups. They kind of expect that the first week or so.
Anywho- I haven’t forgotten about you. I haven’t forgotten a thing about what some of you go through. I’d like to ask you guys though- what would you like me to blog about? Anything been eating at you, or anything you want to ask me? Ask away! Make a comment or ask a question in the ‘ask” option on my page. I love you all and so does Jesus!
I don’t know if I’ve shared with you the more “aspie” thing I enjoy. Movies. Not all movies per say, but movies with some sort of special something, that combines artistry to some sort of truth, and morality. Movies that make you think and make you care about the characters. One of my new favorites is “Strictly Ballroom” directed by Aussie, Baz Luhrmann. You’d remember if you ever watched one of his films, he’s a bit distinctive as he tends to have a bizarre sense of humor in his films, but if you can get past that his films have surprising heart.
The movie tells the story of Scott Hastings a champion hot-shot dancer, who grows tired with the same, old some old, in the world of competitive dance he’s been a part of as long as he can remember. During one competition he she surprises his blonde bombshell partner, his mother, and the judges as he breaks away from his usual routine and adds in his own flashy steps. The audience loves it, but the dance competition purists are left stunned. Conflict ensues of course (every movie has to have conflict) and he’s suddenly left without the support of his ambitious mother, and without a dancing partner (not good). His mother owns a dance studio, where an spirited, but homely beginner dancer Fran also is taught. She eventually sees Scott practice his own moves in front of the mirrored walls of the studio. You can tell he yearns to express himself. What he wants isn’t bad, just not the way his parents want him to do it. He tries explaining it to them several times, and there’s a big reason they don’t want him to do it, but you can watch the movie to find out why. Back to Fran, Fran has a motto and that is “A life lived in fear is a life half lived”. Even though his is her motto, she seems to live in fear in the way she dresses, wearing overly baggy clothes, with no effort made to her outside appearance, no makeup, and bad skin. It’s even a running joke a number of times in the film. She is intrigued by Scott making up his own steps, as she does it as well. She offers to help him win Australian Pan Pacific Championships he’s been longing to win all his life. They then begin a sometimes tense partnership, and stirs up lots of things along the way.
Now onto some notes I have on the artistry end of the movie. Any scene in this movie involving uncomfortable situations is amplified by Baz’s tendency to zoom in extra close to the protagonist. Even the accents take on a weird tone of their own. Every expression seem to be a little more intensified than usual. It helps to know that the movie is a bit of a spoof of underdog movies. I didn’t know this when I watched it, so I ended up laughing in parts I was unsure were meant to be humorous. What also surprised me was the focus on urban centers in the city of Australia in which it’s based. I’m used to seeing scenes of the outback, or beach scenery in Aussie based movies and TV shows. It was refreshing and a bit jarring to see more industrial side of the country. It actually reminded me of parts of Florida, where I used to live. The lead actor Paul Mercurio is a fine Scott Hastings, a dancer himself (ballet and modern), he made it look easy, and he’s not too hard on the eyes either (Aussie men are quite handsome in my humble opinion). He acts a lot with his eyes and body. You believe him. Tara Morice, who plays Fran blossoms in her role. It’s amazing to see how her character develops and grows. You’ll have to watch the movie to see what I mean. They together, have a gentle, smoldering chemistry that’s never sordid. It just feels organic, awkward and honest.
My conclusion this film is bare with the sometimes bizarre humor, there’s only a few curse words (less than 6 from what I remember), and very little sexual content (unless you think dancing is overtly sexual, and one scene that you don’t know is sexual until later.) The sensual scene is a extremely brief implication and does not involve the main characters. It shows the competitive dance world’s dark, materialistic, and cutthroat moments, along with the joy of dance, and using your gifts. It never goes too far in the dark arena, and has plenty of joy and even romance mixed in.
Watch it if you even have the faintest interest in dance, or want to watch a refreshing underdog/love story devoid of hedonism, or over-sentimentality. A few favorite for me. The film is available for free on Netflix live streaming for free for those who have the service. Check it out!
As you know, a new journey in my life has been that of girlfriend to a wonderful Aussie man named Adrian. As if that wasn’t exciting enough I’m embarking on a journey to get a job in my local area. I just officially started yesterday and will keep looking until I find something. I went to various retail stores equipped with pharmacies as I’m looking to get my feet in the door of a place that will train me as a pharmacy tech and maybe even pay for my training to get re-certified. I’m going to be returning the paper applications today, and then seeing what businesses in the local area have online applications.
I’m excited for the possibilities to not only have spending money but to plan for the future, save, and be able to help people when they have needs. It’s time to develop my life, for my sake, and for the sake of the life I’d like to have. I’m excited to be able to contribute to my household in more than just actions. If any of you believe in prayer please pray for me to find the right job, with the right people. I need them to understand who I am, and what a great worker I can be. I just need a chance and I pray I’m able to prove myself.
It’s a wonderful thing to see a person’s heart. That’s how I feel with my boyfriend of not even a month. He also has a blog at http://aspieforjesus.tumblr.com/ and is doing a series on online dating. Please check it out if you can. Trust, integrity, and honesty is huge in a relationship and without them a relationship is hard, if not impossible. When my boyfriend has a problem he can come to me with it, and I with him. It’s such a comfort to me. There’s something sweet about knowing someone you’re romantically involved with not only whispers sweet nothings (or sends them) but can be there for you when you’re confused, hurt or just wanting support in something good.
I’m grateful for this season in my life and trusting God’s heart for me, whatever happens.
[video]
Hey! I’ve gotten some likes on the previously blog, so I’ve decided to write a little more. I’ll make it shorter this time.
Some more tips coming at you!
1. Know what the person believes spiritually and know what you want in that arena. If you’re a Christian you’re probably best matched with someone that is too, if you’re not religious at all you may clash with someone who is passionate about their religious faith or spirituality (yes, they are two different things). Even an opened minded person will balk at the thought of someone not sharing core beliefs of how to live life with them. For me, one of the strongest bonds my boyfriend and I have is that we are Christians and can help each other in pursuing our faith. We both come from different denominations, but we don’t let that interfere as much as we try to learn from it. Christians, please keep God FIRST in your life, and don’t let your romantic amour shut God’s voice out. You’ll thank me later. :)
2. Girls, don’t nag your guy while you’re dating. If you’re doing it now, you’ll do it later. What qualifies as nagging? My mom always told me it was telling a guy to do something more than twice at one time. Like two or more times in a week. It’s a sign of fear when you try to control what he does, and says. Let him figure out bad things happen when you don’t take care of things, or make foolish decisions if he doesn’t heed the first few times you let him know something is wrong.
Guys, take care of your day to day stuff, yes, it’s hard when you’re in love sometimes, but please do it. It will lessen your stress and make you even more confident in yourself and the quality of your life.
3. Guys, don’t nag your girl about her looks. If you don’t like her for who is now, you won’t like her for who she is later. It’s one thing to be concerned about her health if she is too skinny (more than 20 pounds underweight) or is overweight and not doing anything to better her HEALTH. I say health because that is much more important than dress size. If you have that close a relationship and she brings a concern about her health up, then you can state how it makes you feel.
Girls, please, don’t complain about your weight, height, skin, hair, nails, or clothes. Love yourself now, and then take steps to improve what’s possible right after that. Taking care of our bodies is important, but so is having a good sense of self. A complaining attitude will wear on your guy. If he’s with you he is most likely accepting of you the way you are. Take it as a compliment. :)
That’s all for now! Like it? Want more? Let me know! :)
A know there are scores of people, especially Aspies that want companionship and romance in their lives. So if you have that desire how do you deal with it? What do you do to find someone, and how do you keep them?
I want to share with you some wisdom I’ve taught, and some wisdom I’ve learned over the years. I won’t be talking too much about sex here, well not in the instructional sense anyway, but mostly the deeper aspects of relationships.
Ready? OK, let’s go!
1- Know who you are, and be willing to learn. If you find it hard to read people, please pick up books that teach you about how to read a person’s body language and tone of voice. Do research about how the human mind works, and it will help you become more comfortable with expressing yourself. Notice I said, “yourself”- it’s not about imitating someone else to the point where you become someone different than yourself. It’s about being the best version of yourself, confident, wise, loving, and friendly. It will attract people to you to have a friendly way about you, and it will keep you from trouble to be able to avoid less than savory characters.
2- Relationships are hard, but worth it. It takes, time, honesty, love, faithfulness, patience, and a willingness to be wise. Love is more about serving another person that the little fluttery feelings we get in our stomachs we get when we see them. Those feelings are wonderful, cherish them, but love is deeper than that, and that’s a good thing. :) If you’re willing to value someone else’s interests before your own you’re on the right track.
3. Take things slow physically. So, once you find someone you really are into, and they seem to be feeling the same way, take things really slow physically. It’s foolish to give your affection to just anyone. When do you know it’s right? Well, for me, I have some more conservative views on kissing for myself. I’m more of a “milestone kiss” type of girl, meaning I’m waiting to be engaged or even married before I kiss someone. Yeah, that means sex won’t come until after I’m married. Not all of you have that desire, I know. Just save your physical affection for someone who’s proven themselves worthy of it, and be safe. There are so many fickle people out there, and so many diseases out there. I want you to be happy and healthy. Don’t feel pressured to have sex because you fear others opinions of you, and don’t do it because your partner is pressuring you. Someone who loves you will be willing to wait, and will support you. My boyfriend, for instance, supports me and shares my views on how precious sex is, and that it should (and will) be left for the wedding night. Abstinence is best, but I’m bias.
Ok, now some more gender related tips, some more profound than others, but still relevant.
1. For girls and guys, dress for how you want to be treated. Not many people may pick up that you want a date if you’re dressed sloppily, or just look like you crawled out of bed. Iron clothes, and girls dress in a way that asks men to respect you, and be intrigued by you, not in a way that makes them oogle, or ignore you. On a date it’s good to ask your date what kind of thing they have in mind. Dress according to what they tell you. For a nice dinner, don’t be afraid to dress up a lot more than you normally would. Guys, dress up and compliment her if you think she looks pretty. You got go far as to ask her out, so make all her effort worth it by giving her a compliment. If you like her hair, tell her! If you like her dress or shoes, tell her. Don’t say anything about a part of her body looking good (ie, legs, chest, butt). Those places are off limits to talk about on a first date. Stick to facial features, and hair when complimenting her form. Be sincere, and thoughtful.
2. Guys, plan the first date at least. Hopefully you know your date well enough to know what she’s interested in, so try to incorporate something of what she likes into the date. This really applies if she’s an Aspie. She’ll appreciate that you care about her enough to consider her interests. For instance, if she has a favorite flower, have the flower waiting at the dinner table for her, or give her them at the beginning of the date. It will make it more memorable for her, and put her more at ease if she’s nervous. You want her to make fun, innocent memories with you.
3. Girls, don’t feel pressured to do anything for a guy because he’s nice to you. Just let it grow slowly, and get to know the guy’s character before you respond beyond a kind verbal “thank you”. I personally like to kiss a guy on the cheek or give him a hug for things he may do for me. Right now, my relationship is long distance, so I send emoticon hugs, or just say “thank you” via Skype.
4. Don’t be critical with your date. If you’re looking for faults in your date, you will find them, and even the most upstanding person won’t measure up. Character should mean more to you than looks, or money. Not that those things are bad, but they shouldn’t be the be-all-end-all. Girls, a guy that doesn’t turn your head now, may grow on you later. I once dated a guy and didn’t realize how handsome he was until my family pointed it out. Don’t knock a guy because you’re not horribly physically attracted at first. Guys, it’s different for you, as you value looks more to become romantically interested. Do note though, that culture strongly influences what you find attractive. In other words, you’re taught what is beautiful. Don’t be shallow. According to my studies in Sociology people usually marry people they consider to be just as attractive as themselves, but beauty really IS in the eye of the beholder.
As for money, be sure your date can hold a job or at least is investing in their future through college and other endeavors. You’ll find out whether they are responsible with these things soon enough. If they lie about money or their management of it now, they will do the same later. It’s SO important to learn how to properly manage it now, so your financial future will be easier. Live within your means, and save if you can. It’s worth the sacrifice in the end.
Want to see any more? Any comments or questions are appreciated.